I sit in my room and think about how things used to be. I used to be so happy. I didn’t have one care in the world. Nothing could ever break me down. That was two years ago. When everything was perfect. I felt like I was needed and I would never be forgotton. Until my world came crashing down. That winter break was the worst time in my life. I no longer felt wanted. I blacked out.. I was there but I felt no emotions. I lost the one thing that made me happy and I will never get it back.

You told me you didn’t want me. You told me you didn’t want anyone. You wanted to be free to do what you wanted. I had no choice but to let go. I cared about you and wanted what was best for you. Even if that meant my world would be crushed.

I look at you now. I see how happy you are. I see you with her. I watch you kiss her. I watch you smile at her, knowing there is more beyond what everyone else can see. I should be happy for you, right? But I’m not happy for you. I wish you guys were miserable. You remain happy, while I sit here wondering everyday why I can’t be happy like you. Don’t I deserve to be happy too? Don’t I deserve to have someone care for me, more than I will ever know? I have no feelings for you. I am not jealous of her. I’m jealous of what you have together. I want to feel what she feels everyday. I want to wake up in the morning knowing that I will receive a text from him. I want to be needed.

Is that too much to ask?