Yesterday i talked to my ex-boyfriend for almost two hours. It scared the shit out of me, but it was eye opening at the same time. I learned so much about him in those two hours. I realized things that i didn’t even know were going on through his head. He is so insightful, and im truely going to miss him. He always wants what’s best for everyone, and he’s afraid of hurting people. But most importantly, he’s afraid of hurting himself. He’s such a genuine guy. He trusted me, and told me all of his thoughts and secrets. I feel as though we are going to be good friends. But i’m also afraid that i lost someone so amazing. What do i do if i never find anyone that made me as happy as he made me? He was the only person that could bring me up when i was at my all time low. But things will never be the same. He will always have a part of my heart, and i will never forget about him. I’m afraid he’s going to forget about me. But as i was sitting at home thinking yesterday.. I realized i need to learn to be happy without someone. Jake was mostly the reason why i got up in the morning. My parents hate eachother, and i think my brother has depression. My sister is 450 miles, and im not sure what going on in her life. So he was really the reason I wanted to get up. I loved seeing his face, and having him hold me. I knew that someone cared about me. Someone thought i was special, and that i was important enough to be with. But i will never be able to live my life if i cant stand alone. I want to be happy just being me. I don’t want to be dependent on a boy. Yes, they tell you that you’re pretty and they make you feel good inside. But if i don’t feel good inside, those comments aren’t going to mean anything to me. I look up to my sister more than anyone. I’ve seen her been hurt by boys, and always get through it. She is the strongest person i know. WIth everything she’s been through, she always seems to be happy. Maybe she’s just putting on an act for her little sister, but it definitely works. I thought she was the stupiest person in the world when she went back to her boyfriend who cheated on her. But i couldn’t help but think how perfect they were. I went to visit her during the school year last year. And i got to spend a night on the town with my sister, her boyfriend, and her best friend. And some how, they all awkwardly fit together. Three totally different personalities, but they meshed together better than most friendships i’ve seen. When she was with him, she was constantly glowing. She just seemed.. happy. My exboyfriend provided that to me. He made me feel like i was glowing. I thought i was falling in love with him, and he wasn’t even close to that. So i talked to him about it, and didn’t feel that with me. And after seeing my parents, i don’t think i can be with someone that doesn’t love me back. I’ve seen how much pain it’s caused, and i was afraid that was going to happen to me. I deserve to be with someone that loves me. And maybe i’ll never find love. But i pray to God every night that i will. Love may not come now, or in a year, or maybe not even in college. But i will be patient. Along the way i will learn about myself. And what makes me happy. I want to wake up in the morning for me.