I do the same thing every day. Wake up at 530. Get dressed. Straighten my hair. Put on my make up. Eat breakfast. Go to school. Waterpolo practice. Homework. Sleep. Then i start it all over again. This has been my life for the past couple of weeks now. I don’t even realize that i’m switching between activities because i am so used to it. I’m running completely on autopilot. Not realizing that my entire life is passing before my eyes. I’m just watching myself make mistakes and decisions that i don’t want to. Just to deal with things, and not have to return to the place i was at. I would rather make the worst decision possible, then take time to think about it, and choose the right now. I don’t want to deal with all the stress that is going on around me. Which.. totally scares me. I’m afraid something huge and important it going to happen. And instead of making the right choice for myself.. i’m just going to choose the choice that makes everyone happen. In my heart i want to do the choice that is right for me. But i don’t want to do something that will make everyone unhappy with me. I can’t deal with the constant pressure of making the wrong decision. So what if i make the wrong decision? Is it really that big of a deal. People make wrong decisions every day. We learn from those mistakes and move on. One mistake cannot completely destroy who i am.

I need fresh air. Room to breath. I want to be able to make my own decisions in life. I don’t need my mother or father making them for me. When it comes to the end of the day, only I know what’s best for me. I hate the fact that people try to control me. I understand that everyone needs a helping hand to get through the really tough times. And yes, every once in awhile i desperately need that helping hand. But when there are ten different hands trying to help me at once.. i just feel.. suphocated. I can’t breath. And im trying my hardest to get air. Any type of air. But i just can’t seem to escape the hands surrounding me. I push and shove and try to fight my way to the top. But it seems like no matter how hard i try my strength will never be good enough. I can only seem to capture a glimpse of the fresh air, when what i need is to sit in an open field, and just breath for hours straight.

But i know this will never happen. The constant pressues and obstacles of life will never allow this to happen. I will continue to struggle my way to the top. I will never give up the fight. I need this air and i will not let the hands consume me.

But for now i will remain how i am. Totally and completely suphocated.